Twenty years later, still contemplating what there is to do...

15. Nov. 2017

What is there to do?

there are floors to be swept (to get dirty again)
there are toilets to clean (to be shit in again)
there are asses to kiss
and hands to shake (so they can bend you over)

there are stars to contemplate
there are flowers to smell
there are sunsets to watch

there are stories to be written
and re-written (to be rejected and revised)
there are songs to be thought of
songs that my voice would break to sing
lyrics that drown my eyes with tears
and tones, keys, pitches that make me shake, my skin crawl

there are dreams to bury (and pray they fertilize something)
there are nightmares to embrace as lovers
there are dead gods to pray to
there are years to live inside a shell

there are vows to break (and make again)
there are bills to pay
there are hopes to smash to pieces

there are steps not to be taken
steps forward
steps back
there are bridges to sigh at (and never cross)
there are guardian angels to neglect
and ignore
there are believers
believers in me
piled up like plague-dead
to clean out of the closets (and fill with potpourri instead)
there are ditches to dig

there are reasons to get out of bed
there are no reasons to get out of bed

there are eggs to scramble (and leave stuck in the pan)
there are condoms to use
there are children to let down

there are answers to questions
there are questions I haven't asked yet (and can't think of)
there are hidden costs to deal with
there are masks to put on
there are masks to take off
there are too many unpaved roads that go nowhere

there are bombs
there are guns
there are black holes

there are feathers
there are clouds
there are sunrooms to sit in (and never leave)

there are dead squirrels in the road
there are roaches in the walls
there are dogs in the alley who eat better than us

there are phone calls to return
there are drugs I wish I was on
there are no drugs worth taking (to any effect)
there are whores to beat

there are couches babies sleep on
there are kids at college with agendas
there are corporate-level workers with the money to blow
and they blow it
and they blow it
there are very few things worth buying

there are things I want
that I could never buy (intangibles are priceless)
there are things I have that thrill me
there are ways my lover moves
that entrance me completely
there are times when I cry because he is so beautiful
and I am so unworthy to be a goddess
there are altars to my insides
that are attended by blasphemous demons

there are oracles to consult
there are no answers to be had so easy

there are too many choices
there are too many books
there are too many conflicting commands
there are not enough clear paths

there are people with energy
there are people on prozac

there are happy people

they are mysterious to me

Twenty years later, still contemplating what there is to do...| Kim Breeding-Mercer
Twenty years later, still contemplating what there is to do... Kim Breeding-Mercer

Greetings from 1998, when this piece was first composed! It began as an actual list of chores and errands, and turned into an existential lament. (I was so dramatic in my 20s; I cringe at some of these lines now, but others, sadly, still apply.) It may have appeared in a print issue of OgFOMK that year or the next, but my copy's in storage...I'll dig it out soon and post some highlights. That was my introduction to OgFOMK specifically, and zines in general. (I went on to publish my own zine, "under", for a year or two. Fun times.) 
 Onward and awkward!
-- Kim Breeding-Mercer

Kim Breeding-Mercer returns to OgFOMK ArTS after 19 years! She brings a literary beauty from the past with some poesy. The former editor for OgFOMK ArTS will bring even more of her talents as the sun creeps into 2018.

© KIM BREEDING-MERCER / OgFOMK ArTS -- 2017 All Rights Reserved.  - "What is there to do?"

#OgFOMK #kimbreedingmercer #freeverse #poetry



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